I had to decide...! Pay by 10:59 (yay for different time zones) or expect to be dropped from the class.

So I payed. By credit card, if that counts. Maybe it shouldn't count until I pay that.

Choices are hard for me to make sometimes. There's the peace litmus test; do you have peace about such and such decision. I did after I made it; does that count? But I'm still worried, too. How am I going to have enough time? Will I have enough time? Will I feel overloaded (probably)? Will I end up withdrawing or dropping the class? But the future is still the future. But I'm excited about the class. And pretty tired after finishing the work week. And winter driving expectable for a few months still... My time is pretty full; what was I thinking? :)

So there's another class I think I should probably take, but I'm putting off that decision a little bit, but if I take both classes, that will be six credits attempted in about 4 months. A little better than the 22 credits I attempted (more or less; I've passed 16, attempted 3 more, and procrastinated and sometimes worked on the last 3) in the last 6 months of this current year. But not necessarily so much better if one knows how much (little) I put into some of those credits. So we'll see what the future holds.

And as of yesterday, I did not have a sinus infection, though I payed a lot of money to establish that fact. And so unidentified allergies are potentially to blame for any lingering congestion. Maybe I'm allergic to bleach; I use bleach water a decent amount at my job. But I have congestion at home, too.

I went to the staff Christmas party for my work this evening. It was nice.

Went to a wedding yesterday and to lunch after church today. Wow, so much socialness. Lunch was too spicey, but I wanted to eat plenty because I had been hungry. A friend gave me her left-over peanuty sauce, and that toned it down enough for me to eat with less pain. :)

I am yet again (still?) not quite healthy but not too sick to work. Lovely, isn't it? With a final project that I wanted to have submitted last night. Now, maybe I'll finish it tomorrow or Tuesday. I really want it submitted by Tuesday!!!!!! But I want to sleep. Tomorrow I'm supposed to wear black and red and play handbells at a ladies tea. I've considered leaving early to work on my final literature project... but I suppose I probably will stay to the end.

Rock-a-bye baby in the tree top
When the wind blows, the chickens will squawk
When the bough brakes, the chickens will flee,
But still, little baby, you'll be with me.

Sleep, little baby, in the tree tops,
Don't be afraid of little raindrops,
When the clouds brake, the sun will shine through,
'Til then, little baby, reach for the truth.

Rock-a-bye baby...

Greetings! I'm trying to write on my blog more regularly, closer to my once a week goal. :)

My health did improve this week! But I don't think it has improved quite as much as the doctor would like...

I enjoyed my work this week, which was nice.

nice

Friday, I went back to the doctor. He wrote out eight things to do to try to get rid of my supposed sinus infection and allergy problem - 4 having to do with reducing my exposure to possible allergins and 4 being medications to take. So Friday and Saturday I cleaned and cleaned. Don't be too fooled by the picture of my desk: the insides of the drawers are fairly full, and all is not ideally organized. But the empty whiteness in my room is definately a change. Today, in the afternoon, I read-skimmed a book in my "clean" environment. It was nice.

Today was my interim pastor's last Sunday. It was nice. He did a good job as interim pastor, and I am grateful.

Last week, my new boss at work had her first week (short week) without my old boss still being director. I am encouraged that this will go well.

More snow has fallen. I am entertained by the weather difference between my home and my work and church. One day this week I drove from beautiful winter and falling snow and snow on the roads to wet roads to semi-dry roads in a land of fall. Then in the evening, I drove back to the snowy land. Today it was from more snow to less snow and more wateryness, then back to more snow, though it did get a bit melty up here. I shoveled snow again and did not throw my snow shovel today.

I'm down to the final summative assignments for my last two classes of this term! It looks like my work satisfies the Literature evaluators, but I may need to put more effort into the Reasoning submissions.

I like this color. What shall I write with it? Work is going well but is challenging, also. My health, well, I actually seem to have only gotten a cold instead of a flu this time! And my first year of working in day care is drawing to a finish (5 or 6 weeks left?), after which time rumor has it that I could be healthier.

snow

This morning there was a beautiful sight out my bedroom window.
Later, I took pictures outside.

Our road.

Rascal.

Belle and Ruffy.

Quite conveniently, my stubborn heart finally heard and my attitude changed BEFORE the snow! Praise God.

So, while I still have some snow/ice/winter reservations, I also enjoyed the snow.

Additions to the farm

Abraham is on the left, and Missy is on the right. They are a few months old. They're so cute.

Truth

I've been reading Six Dangerous Questions to Transform your View of the World, by Paul Borthwick. I'm also working on a course on Critical Thinking that doesn't strike me as Christian-friendly. These make quite the contrast. Do you believe God to the point that it transforms your life? versus Will you let Reasoning be your way to come as close as possible to wisdom?

The Six Dangerous Questions book is assigned reading for my missionary preparation process. I'm not so very far, but it is a refreshing call to see what the Bible says and how that should effect me. For example, and I've been thinking about part of this fairly recently but the book is also discussing it, if I really think Jesus really is THE way, this influences me differently for other people than if Jesus was A way. As I was reading, I glimpsed that if we're REALLY to SERIOUSLY believe more and more, the life implications may be uncomfortable.

And then there is the reasoning class. I felt a bit offended by it because it seems that if I believe God without being willing to convert to another religion or non-religion if they come up with the better argument, then I am being a not-so-good thinker. So my pride in my intellectual ability is hurt because my faith has become a point against my being a "good" thinker. I'm not sure, but it seems somewhat as if, if the book were taken too seriously, or at least to far, that Critical Reasoning is set up as god.

Anyway, it seems like one of those moments when the way of God seems not to be the way of the World (of course).

And I'm having one of those challenging times in my life when I think it must mean that I am learning/could be learning a lot, and challenges aren't limited to the college front.

During the past two weeks, I missed five days of work (Thurs through Wednesday), but was able to return for the last part of last week. Tomorrow, my hours increase again. Supposedly, I'm going back to a 40 hour work week, but then when I thought about it, the newest schedule leaves me at 7.5 hours per day, so I'm guessing the newest schedule will be modified still.

I started back into school work. I read an interesting play which I intend to write about tomorrow or sometime not too far away. And I ordered text books for the two classes I think I'll be taking next. I'm still concerned about how part of this will work out, the part where I'm supposed to take off 60 plus or minus some hours from work and accomplish some predetermined tasks in a classroom somewhere. But if I fail at that later, then I fail later, but for now, I'm trying to keep going.

Then there are, um, life lessons? Like lesson #276 of Trusting God. Like when I realize that perhaps the one I'm most upset with for what happened in/with/to a church in another city several years ago, perhaps I've been most upset with God. And I'm the one who has got to change. You know, God could allow a devastating earthquake here that would kill lots of people. He has allowed such things before. Maybe He will again. So when I'm afraid of what God might allow,... I should just trust Him anyway. I don't have to understand.

Visiting my former city home area

I went to the city I have lived in longest for my basic skills test to meet a requirement for my college's teacher's program. I got there early, but they let me start the test early, too. I think I was done a little before noon. Then I had time to enjoy being in this city that somehow still holds emotional ties.

The first place after the test center that I got out of the car was at the grocery store that was just down the street from where our house had been, in the next block. I was impressed by the size of the grocery store, particularly how much it had in it. And when I walked out of the grocery store, I had a moment when I felt like I could just walk down the street to "our" house. This helped me realize one benefit of my family moving away from this city. After living in the country where driving half an hour or more to get some places was part of life, where I lived in Puerto Rico 10 minutes from Walmart seemed quite near a respectable selection for shopping.

After the grocery store, I drove around my former neighborhood a bit and went to the park to eat my lunch.This is a park we had gone to when I was little, the park with the sand hills to ride bikes or run on. I ate lunch and noted how bright the colors seemed compared to where I live now. It was as if my current country/smaller town life is in not as full color, somewhat like an old movie. The city had brighter colors, and then Puerto Rico had really bright colors in my memory, which makes sense as it is closer to the equator and closer to the sun.
See how pretty it was in my old city, looking up at the sky through the trees, my beloved kind of trees?

As my mom and I discussed, it was as if my current homeland had a spiritual cloud over it, but the city was in a place where the cloud wasn't as thick, and Puerto Rico is somewhere else with a different kind of cloud that doesn't affect me the same way.

Nonetheless, when I returned to my current area, the colors still seemed bright, as if I had immagined it, but I think I did not completely. I think one doesn't necessarily specifically notice the loss of light unless it comes into contrast with more light, except for the form of "noticing" which is not concious; the sense or experience of slowly wearing down.

Back to my city visit. After lunch, I took a walk in the neighborhood. I used to go on "dog walks" with a sister or two in the neighborhood, getting excersize and walking a dog. I enjoyed the beauty and the color as I walked it this last week. I tried to get good photos of the bluff that could be seen down the hill from some spots.

Immagine this bluff smoking and immagine one of the big fires that spread smoke accross our sky. Or just enjoy the beauty of it now. I really loved this part of the country. I guess I still do, though I don't know if I'll live there again.

Later, I tried to get onto the prairie that was on top of the bluff behind our house (a different bluff than the one pictured). I had some amount of trouble because of construction, but finally, with instructions from my dad, found a way up. It seemed considerably more developed. I think that there are less wheat field areas and more houses now. Here is a picture of some prairieness that was still houseless. A beautiful elevated prairie.

Here is what I think is the tallest mountain in the area, as seen from on top of that same bluff/prairie.

The end (of this blogpost).

I got off work early. I even thought that I was ready to work on Literature writing assignments when I got home. But now... It doesn't help that I don't yet have access to the specific writing assignments I wanted to see (though I could read more for it).

In general, I'm making good progress on my school. That is nice. Last Saturday, I took a history/economics/American government test. I was excited yesterday to get the e-mail that said I'd passed. And I passed by more than I expected to.

I saw some yellow leaves on some bushes/plants in our neighborhood.

Uh-oh, it's been almost a month since I last posted here!

I have three tests coming up in the next two weeks. I'm excited! I'm scared about the last one, especially. Maybe I'll decide to study more than a little for it in the next week and a half. If I pass these tests, I'll have 10 credits finished (one of which is already finished - the orientation class credit). Do I like my online college? Yes (in most areas). I like being able to study when I want and move ahead at a faster pace when I can pass things sooner. I like studying at home, but being able to e-mail questions to helpful people who respond pretty quickly.

My life is remarkably scheduled right now. When (and if) I go in to work varies depending on the latest schedule modifications, but I think I've recently been getting around 23 hours, plus or minus some, on my time card for a week. This is a blessing from God both ways. The hours that are there are a benefit, and the hours that are lacking make it easier for me to study more.

I intended to finish this by about 9:30, so I'm about 1 minute late, two now. Now five. Goodnight!

beach

Spring, 2007.

the wave is coming

see the splash.

See, today at church, someone decided to use beach

pictures for backgrounds to songs. I decided it would be nice to visit Blue Beach today between church this morning and something at church this evening (which I considered going to, but eventually decided to stay home). That was obviously impractical. But looking at beach pictures isn't, so here are some from Crashboat Beach, I'm pretty sure it was April '07.

I remember God teaching me something, and I took some pictures like this one above of the sand to remember with, but I don't remember the lesson too clearly. I think it was about trusting God to take care of me.

There is something beautiful about living in trust. Something comforting. I don't mean to imply that I've mastered this. :) Now is a good time for me to remember a little of what I know of the God to whom I belong. It is amazing to think of what He gave me. Col 1:12.

End of June, early July

Fireweed.

It's in a garden out front (and grows wild in our area. This one might have been strategically left in the garden or transplanted).

The results of a fire.
Well, really two fires that were really closely related. One or two fires total, depending on how you count.
Wednesday, the first of July, I started my online college.
And my dad and two brothers did yard work, such as burning branches from pine trees they cut down. They put the fire out. Or thought they did. See the circle of ash from the burn pile in the back of the picture?
The next day, Thursday, I studied and had an otherwise normal Thursday. My dad and brothers went camping.
Friday, July 3rd, I was off work! So I studied and studied and studied, etc. Around 5:30 I took a break. (No, this was not my first break.)
I went outside and saw smoke as if from a campfire from around where they had burned. I asked my mom if it should be there, and she said it shouldn't. So I started bringing the hose out and then spent awhile spraying water on this second patch of smoldering black land (the nearer, less conventional shaped blackened area in the picture). I didn't see flames. I saw a smoking black area. Anyway, God blessed in that we were able to deal with this fire before it got too big. Some friends came to help move some bigger logs (since my dad and brothers were gone and mom and I didn't want to attempt using a chain saw). (The picture shows the area after some logs were moved, after a good bit of brush was cleared away to aid in the fire-putting-out, and after the sprinkler had spread water on it all night.) So it was very exciting for me.

I also went on a hike with my dad and brothers near the end of June. Here are a few pictures. By the way, there was a patch of snow up there. My brothers enjoyed sliding down it. I think one brother used a rock as a sled. I think all of them tried sliding on their feet standing up. I "tried" sliding on my feet for a foot or two - on accident.

I expect to start college Wednesday.

What path are you on?

Where are you going?

Anyways, it's pretty here. :)
Blog writing. Early, I stop myself from begining in Spanish (hint: if you don't want to start thinking or translating in Spanish, don't read Spanish). Later I stop my self as I write something somebody I miss might say. Now I write. And backspace, and write.

I'm still working, but my hours are expected to decrease for a bit. This is interesting in its effect on me. I may think, or try to think, oh that will be okay (i.e. I choose to think God will work it out good). But sometimes I act... upset. And sometimes, like this morning, I'm so happy for hours that I do have! "Happiness;" maybe it can be more of a choice than I thought. As Christians, our future (I mean our future future, post-death/rapture) is very bright! So... if I can just remember that, the irritations and challanges now may not be important in the same way (perhaps they could still be of varying importances in different ways).

Correction to a May 24 entry: I was younger than four when my Granddad went to be with God. I moved from one side of the US to the other when I was four.

Um, writer's block about a blog entry?

My blog-entry-per-week goal is being missed. It looks like I'm averaging closer to one entry every other week.

The weekend was mostly nice. The work week was over all nice. I'm hoping to start college again July 1. :) I have math requirements to look forward too. Yes, that has excited me (though yes, I wish they were already met). There are some kinds of math (kinds I can do fairly easily) that I like.

So for now, I'm enjoying time... for a little longer...

2 Cor 4:17. My happiness over the week and today gets challenged. But reading John Piper's Let the Nations Be Glad and reading/remembering related verses has encouraged me to counter my discouragement with hope from God. I don't mean that you or I have to be perpetually happy. Crying has certain benifits. But rejoicing (which doesn't always conflict with tears), that's biblical. :)

Grandpa

My Granddad went to be with God when I was four, but my Grandpa was around for more of my life. He and Grandma visited us in the West sometimes. I remember he would play with my younger sister and chant a rhyme about her name that he made up. He had really cool watches. He was fairly quiet. He was smart.

At his funeral, I learned more about his work supporting missionaries. This was something my grandpa did, and did well. It makes me feel like my mission work is carrying on something he had begun doing before I was around. It is neat to discover more of the bigger picture that what I do fits into, and it is an encouragement.

The day I heard my grandpa had gone to be with God, I knew wanted to go back to visit. It changed my perspective of what's really important. I'm so thankful I could go to the funeral. I'm thankful for that time with my relatives. It was short and intense and priceless.

views from travel

It was the shortest long-distance trip of my life, if my memory holds accurate. Six flights, beautiful views, and a very special time with family. But I've decided to put the trip into two blog entries, and this is the views-from-travel part.

Canyons, from the air.

The Grand Canyon?

The sky, so beautiful.

Mt. St. Helens, I think

Mt. Adams, I think. We flew more or less right over it!

Mt. Spokane (the mountain with the big, right-now-snowy bald spot), one of my favorite mountains. Okay, so I'm partial.

I like seeing Mt. Spokane from the Western side where you can see the bald spot.

The time has come and passed for a weekly blog update. So here is a late blog update.

I am sick. I finally actually went to the doctor. Risk of bronchitis wasn't enough (waited and eventually reached feeling tolerable), but for possible pink eye, I finally went. Pink eye and a sinus infection. So now that I've been told I'm sick, I feel free-er to feel sick (for a few hours). And I'm questioning my just-keep-going method of the past few months. Maybe I'd better slow down. Maybe being really healthy instead of just tolerable is an attainable goal. But am I willing to rest? Maybe I'd better be at least somewhat willing.

I'm hoping to go back to Puerto Rico, but for now am looking at another year and a half or two-ish in my current location. I hope to start college classes in June or July online (which leads back to the over-achiever issue of how much should I really try to do all at once, which leads me to think with my tired thoughts that July might be the better start date).

My grandpa's funeral is this week.

Once upon a time, almost two years ago (only two years ago? Wow) I moved back to the States. But I took pictures/got pictures taken by others first. Like these two pictures. Yeah, they're from almost two years ago.

The thing is, it seems that my heart didn't really completely leave Puerto Rico.

That first week back in the States, I remember telling Nicole that I was trying not to compare my life in the States to that in Puerto Rico. Ha, I might have been crying while I said that, at least sometime in the conversation.

Working at camp, I liked the water of the lake. It somehow was a tie to Puerto Rico. Somebody understood. Remembered her former island home a bit like I remembered mine.

That fall, I started college. But I still missed Puerto Rico. I remember that fall thinking that I was pretty sure God wanted me to continue going to college for the spring semester. Then I figured out that if I did it right, I could graduate by the end of the following fall semester. It seemed foolish to quit after the spring semester if I could finish an Associate degree in the fall. Over Christmas break, I got my wisdom teeth out. That was on my list of things to do before I returned for more than a short visit to Puerto Rico.

Spring break, I visited Puerto Rico. I wondered if I'd idealized it. I knew I didn't like change and wondered if the pull back to Puerto Rico was significantly because I didn't want to change. When I went to ESD, it was like going home. At first, I'd cry at night, how can it feel so much like home when I'm supposed to leave so soon? But then, a miracle occured, and the ache/burden I'd struggled with since leaving Puerto Rico went away, at least for a time. At the end of my spring break, I headed home to finish my semester. I finished my Associate degree last fall semester.

I found a church that I wanted to be my home church in the States. I've joined, and it really is my home church now.

I have been going through my church's process to pursue being a missionary, and I still have a ways to go. I appreciate prayers for God's guidance and provision and for Him to open the doors He wants open when He wants them open.

the sun has returned

It's amazing what alot of sunshine can do. I actually considered that I might almost enjoy excersizing - later.

I'm happy for the work week coming again. I enjoy my job. (And yes, I had that sort of weekend that leaves one thinking the work week is really a good thing.)

Isn't it pretty? I love how pretty this mountain can be, especially with sunrises and sunsets.

Note the road. Yes, I prefer to drive this way. Yes, I got stuck once trying to come home this winter on this road. I was driving and then the car started sliding and pretty soon I got the car perpendicular to the one lane plowed out on the road. My dad and a brother came and helped dig me out. Yes, it was in the dark. Of course. But this picture is from today! And I didn't get stuck today (though I did miss a turn onto a different road because I tried to slow down, but should have started sooner, because it was icy and the car started slipping, so I went on straight and turned around a little farther on).
Here is a picture to try to show how much snow we have left. Not really too helpful, because some of the snow is from shoveling off the driveway. Recently it has snowed a little, which is why the driveway and the road above are so white.

Ah, beautiful. Sunset time.

I have taken my mid-term exam for my missions class! That is very nice to have finished. Now I think I will do fine test-wise for this class (though I don't have the results back yet from the exam). The remaining wild card for my grade is the paper I need to work on (but not today!).

Friday :)

Another work week has been survived! I'm still coughing, but I think less today than yesterday. Who would have thought that working with children could actually separate you from children (thinking of the baby twins I want to see, but I don't want to cough on).

No pictures for today's entry. Just words.

It has been an interesting week. I've been thinking. (Haha, are you surprised?)

I've been thinking I've seen the New Perspective on Paul again, in something I read. I've been thinking about how serious is it. I've been thinking about how to respond. It really is an idea set (you can look it up on the Internet, info for and against it), and I really disagree with it.

And I've been working. Overtime. Art of the week: Monday, paint with fingers. Tuesday, I forget. (Or did I forget Monday and paint Tuesday?) Wednesday, paint with watery watercolor and paint brushes (actually, I still haven't finished cleaning up from that). Thursday, crayons. Friday, markers.

Now... wash dishes maybe?

On Tuesday (if I have the day right), I took a picture from a wide place on the dirt roads on my way home from work.

On Thursday, I worked later and stopped at the Library to drop off books, CD, and video (and then I picked two new books), but I took a picture from the same stretch of road.

Then today, I got off work really delightfully early (I've been sick all week and working late and today was able to leave early). I took another picture. My hope was that the pictures would show a little of my life and would show how the road conditions on the back roads are changing. Maybe you can see between Tuesday and Thursday that there was melting. Maybe you can't, but it seemed like it to me.

Anyhow, I went home and slept! So nice.

Reading somebody else's blog. Somebody who was out of the States for a year-ish and came back. Somebody who dared to have a posting about being homesick (for their out of the States location).

I look American, because I am American. And English is by far my most fluent language. But I wanted the speaker at my class to speak in Spanish. Even though I wouldn't have understood it all (might have missed ALOT). But he spoke English. Duh. It's an American class with American students (he may not even know more than a few words in Spanish, if that). But somebody came and sang a song in some language that was not Spanish or English.

Advice for the teacher of 1 (to early 2)-year-olds

1. Rice (originally) placed in the sensory table makes a fabulous (and hazerdous) mess, especially if you haven't established pretty good classroom control yet. Rice scattered liberally accross the floor by young hands enables people to slip more easily.

2. Cottonballs sound much cleaner, and are, but don't overlook the fact that they can be ripped into smaller (messier) pieces.